Insanus Persona
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto's latest experiment with Pyro confirms the old adage, "Insanity can neither be eliminated nor destroyed, but merely converted from one form to another".


**Insanus Persona**

"What the heck is that thing?" Remy asked gazing at the large, strange looking machine. The Acolytes were standing in an isolated section of Magneto's lab.

"It is my latest project," Magneto said standing next to the machine. "The use of which I am about to demonstrate. Colossus, Pyro. Step forward."

"Oh boy!" Pyro chirped skipping up. "This looks like fun!"

"Um, what is the purpose of this machine?" Piotr asked looking concerned.

"Yeah. Is it gonna mutate us or something?" Pyro asked anxiously.

"No. It is going to improve you," Magneto gestured them to stop. "Now stand still."

"Well, this is not too bad," Piotr said right before two large metal poles rose from the ground behind them. Several metal cords extended from the poles and quickly bound Piotr and Pyro to them.

"Hey! What's going on?" Pyro yelped. "Help! I don't wanna be sacrificed!"

"You are not going to be sacrificed." Magneto used his powers to place a pair of strange metal helmets onto Piotr and Pyro's heads. Each helmet was connected to the machine by several thick cables and wires. "You are going to be neuralized."

"What?" Pyro shouted. "No! Not that! I don't wanna have to validate my authenticity!"

"Not **notarized** you idiot!" Magneto shouted. "Neuralized!"

"Oh. Well, that's not so bad," Pyro sighed. "What's neuralized?"

"Is that even a word?" Piotr asked.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Remy looked at Magneto while trying to hide is uncertainty. "What's that thing going to do to them?"

"This 'thing' is a neural-synaptic scanner and replicator," Magneto explained powering up the machine. Half a dozen dials and monitors on it lit up. "I am going to use it to determine the exact pattern of synapses and bioelectric energy within a specific region of a cerebral cortex and then duplicate the pattern within another one."

"Huh?" Piotr blinked.

"I am going to have Pyro become more like you," Magneto told him turning a small knob.

"You mean you're going to give Pyro the same powers as Piotr?" Remy asked.

"No, I am going to **erase** Pyro's personality and give him one similar to Colossus," Magneto explained. "One that isn't so unstable, crazy and insane!"

"WHAT?" Pyro yelped.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," Sabertooth growled approvingly. "It'd finally put an end to the Firebug's random burning sprees."

"NO!" Pyro yelled and began flailing about. "STOP! HELP! I DON'T WANNA BE LOBOTOMZED! I'M PERFECT JUST THE WAY I AM!"

"There is no point attempting to resist," Magneto said coldly. "You can not break free."

"Well I can!" Piotr armored up and easily shattered his bonds. He then tried to help free Pyro. "Hey! I can not move!"

"Fool!" Magneto used his powers to hold Piotr still and rebind him to the pole. "You do not have a choice. You will do as I say."

"Hey Mags. This is going too far!" Remy tried to protest. "Pyro may be a nut, but that doesn't mean you have to replace everything in his shell..."

"Silence Gambit! And don't call me Mags!" Magneto shot him a warning look. "Unless you would like to have your personality replaced too!"

Remy looked about ready to attack Magneto, but Sabertooth quickly grabbed and restrained him. Remy gave Magneto a scathing look, but had no choice but to stay quiet. "That's better." Magneto turned and worked the machine's control board. "Now to begin."

"Sorry _mon amis_," Remy sighed while held tight in Sabertooth's grasp.

"So am I," Piotr sighed reverting back to his normal form. The metal cords around him immediately tightened and eliminated the slack.

"No worries, mates," Pyro gave a weak smile and tried to keep the fear out of his voice. "It won't be so bad. Maybe it won't even hurt very much."

"Oh, it definitely will not hurt very much," Magneto said flipping the cover off a large button. "It will probably hurt a lot!"

"WHAT?" Pyro yelped.

KKKZZZZZZRRRRRRAAACCCTTTTTT!

Sparks, crackles and flashes flew from the machine. Both helmets were consumed with buzzes as enormous electric whines filled the air.

"Aaarrrggghhh!" Sabertooth howled in agony as he let go of Remy and desperately tried to cover his ears.

Smoke began to rise out from the machine. Then it began rise from Piotr and Pyro's ears. Then their eyes. "Make it stop!" Remy yelled. "Make it stop!"

"It can not be stopped!" Magneto shouted.

POP!

"It stopped," Remy blinked as the bizarre noises ceased and the machine stopped flashing.

"About time," Sabertooth winced uncovering his ears. "I've been at New Year's parities that didn't sound that bad."

"Excellent," Magneto used his powers to unbind Piotr and Pyro from the poles and remove their helmets. Both of them looked a little woozy. "Pyro. How do you feel?"

"Huh? Oh, not too bad," Pyro blinked and tried not to fall over. "Wow, what a ride."

"You are probably slightly disoriented," Magneto held out a small blob of sterno. "How about lighting a small fire to help you focus?"

"What? Oh, no thanks," Pyro waved absently. "There's plenty of light in here, so no need."

"Huh?" Remy blinked, not quite able to believe it. "Pyro, did you just turn down the chance to **burn** something?"

"Well, yeah," Pyro managed to shrug. "I don't like to randomly set stuff on fire."

"Success!" Magneto allowed himself a triumphant smile. "Finally! I have cured Pyro of his insanity forever!"

"Yeah," Remy sighed feeling both sad and guilty.

"Now with that annoying problem solved, I can finally concentrate my full attention towards..." Magneto noticed Piotr bending over the machine and playing with the switches. "Colossus! What are you doing? Get away from there!"

"Hey, how does this thing work?" Piotr asked as he hit some buttons with a strange look in his eye. "I want it to shoot sparks and stuff through my head again. It felt great! Like fireworks and stuff were going off right in my brain!"

"Huh?" Magneto blinked at Piotr's behavior. "Colossus, are you feeling alright?"

"What?" Piotr looked up and noticed Magneto. "Oh, it is you." Piotr glared at him. "You know, I have always wanted to give you something."

"Really?" Magneto asked, slightly confused. "What?"

"This!" Piotr armored up, grabbed Magneto and gave him a massive headbutt.

WHAM!

"Ouch," Remy winced as Magneto was knocked cold, his helmet barely preventing his entire skull from caving in. "That's gotta hurt."

"Ha! I have being wanting to do that for months!" Piotr crowned. "Hey, Gambit! Did you see me finally give it to Magneto?"

"Yeah I did," Remy looked at him warily. "It was impressive and...aaaccckkkkkk!" Remy yelped as Piotr picked him up and began swinging him around.

"Yeah! I finally got back at Magneto for everything he has done to me! And it felt so good!" Piotr chirped.

"Gaaahhhhhh!" Remy gasped. "Can't...breathe..."

"I feel great! So happy, happy, happy!" Piotr laughed and cheerfully tossed Remy into the air.

"Yaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Remy yelled.

"Hey Colossus. Gambit ain't looking too good," Pyro said walking up to him. "Maybe you should put him down and...aaahhhhhh!" Pyro yelped as he was grabbed and tossed up into the air as well.

"This is great!" Piotr grinned as his proceeded to juggle his two teammates. "I bet I can do even more! Anybody know where I can find some scythes and a chainsaw?"

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Remy yelped. "PIOTR PUT ME DOWN! I'M GETTING DIZZY!"

"Hey, I have another idea! It will be fun!" Piotr forgot about his juggling and quickly ran out of the room. Which he did by running right through a wall. "Onward!"

CRASH!

THUD! THUD!

"Ohhh," Remy moaned as he and Pyro fell to the floor in a heap.

"That hurt," Pyro whimpered.

"Well this is a lot more entertaining that I thought it would be," Sabertooth chuckled where he had been standing out of the way.

"Okay, what the heck is going on?" Remy gasped as he made sure none of his bones were broken. "I've never seen Piotr act like this before."

"Looks like the boss made an error," Sabertooth snickered. "He gave the Firebug the Russian's personality, but he also transferred the Firebug's personality to the Russian."

"What?" Remy blinked. "Are you serious?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Sabertooth jerked a thumb at the Colossus-sized hole in the wall.

"Oh no," Remy groaned. "This is just perfect. We gotta get Piotr and find a way to switch their personalities back."

"Why? Let's just keep 'em like this," Sabertooth indicated Pyro who was quietly stretching his neck. "That way the Firebug won't be running around trying to burn everything in sight or causing insanity everywhere he goes."

"Well, yeah..." Remy paused considering the possibilities. "No! We gotta switch them back! We can at least somewhat predict how crazy Pyro can act. But we don't know anything about Piotr. He always manages to keep his powers and emotions under control. Can you imagine what will happen if he starts acting and behaving like Pyro?"

"Please, this is the Russian we're talking about," Sabertooth snorted. "How bad could he be?"

SMASH!

WHOOOSH! WHOOOSH!

KA-BOOOOOOM!

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

"I think we're about to find out," Remy gulped as the entire base shook. "Come on! Let's go!"

"Hooly dooley," Pyro gulped as they followed and ran through the trail of very large holes in the walls. "Look at all this. There's no need for such wanton acts of destruction."

"Says the guy who tries to burn down the base every other week," Sabertooth growled.

"I'd never do that," Pyro protested. "Fire is a dangerous element and should at all times be kept under control or extinguished."

"Now there's something I thought I'd never hear," Remy blinked. "Next you'll be saying fireworks are deadly and should be outlawed."

"They should be," Pyro stated. "Or they are depending on the region. Actually, if you want to be specific, some fireworks are..."

"Shut up with the fire safety lecture already," Sabertooth growled. "Crud, and I though the Firebug was annoying before."

"Too bad I wasn't able to record any of what he just said," Remy shrugged as they neared the Control Room. "I'd love to see Pyro's face as he listened to himself after he was switched back...WHOA!

"Hahahahaha!" Piotr laughed happily as he skipped about still armored up while hitting several dozen medicine balls around. Medicine balls that weighed fifty pounds each. "This is fun! I love handball!"

"Look out!" Remy ducked and dove out of the way.

"Yikes!" Pyro scrambled for cover as balls bounced all around him.

"OW! OW! OW!" Sabertooth yelped as he was pummeled with medicine balls. "YEOW! THAT HURTS!"

"Where the heck did Piotr get these things?" Remy blanched as a particularly fast medicine ball went completely through a wall.

"Probably raided one of the storage rooms!" Sabertooth hissed under the barrage. "Thought why we always have a bunch of random junk lying around the storage rooms is beyond me!"

"WAHOOO!" Piotr giggled maniacally as continued to violently send balls flying through air. "Whack! Whack! Whack!"

"This is insane!" Pyro yelped huddling behind the control board.

"Yet another thing I'd never thought I'd hear you say!" Remy gasped as he desperately ducked and dodged for his life. "But you're a hundred percent right!"

"AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Sabertooth was repeated bombarded in the face and back of his legs, causing him to flip awkwardly about his center of gravity. "SOMEBODY STOP THAT NUT!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" Piotr boomed still zipping balls around the Control Room like an out-of-control lottery machine.

"Help! We're all gonna die!" Pyro screamed.

"Sorry _homme_," Remy charged a fistful of cards. "But you leave me no choice!" He dove and tossed the cards at Piotr.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Ooo, nice light show!" Piotr laughed as the cards harmlessly exploded around him. "Almost as good as the ones given by those grenades I set off earlier!"

"Brilliant idea Cajun!" Sabertooth shouted while shielding himself with his arms. "Trying to take out a guy better armored than a tank division with explosives! Like that's really gonna work!"

"Shut up furball!" Remy snapped barely avoiding a ball. "I don't see you coming up with any ideas!"

"I have an idea! And it will make an even bigger light show than before!" Piotr chirped skipping over to the control board and flipped a switch.

"Great, what now?" Sabertooth grumbled as several loud humming sounds filled the room.

"Uh, Sabes?" Remy gulped and pointed up at the support beams where several very large lasers had been placed. "Oh boy. This can't be good."

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Acolytes screamed as laser beams shot everywhere.

"Oh great! Piotr must have raided the Laser Room too!" Remy yelled. "Let's hope he didn't also raid the Missile Room while he was at it!"

"Yeah! Now this is what I call a light show!" Piotr laughed maniacally. He strode among the lasers as they harmlessly bounced off him. "Everybody party!"

"This no time to party!" Pyro yelled frantically dodging the laser. "We need to be serious!"

"YEOW!" Remy yelped as he was zapped in the behind. "Oh man those things smart!"

"RRROOOAAARRR!" Sabertooth plowed through the laser storm, completely ignoring the pain and leapt at Piotr with murder in his eyes. "THAT'S IT! YOU'VE HAD IT NOW RUSSIAN!"

"Ooo, a tiger!" Piotr casually caught him in midair and began whirling him around. "Do you wanna fly, tiger? Here, I'll help you!" Piotr hurled Sabertooth like a shot put.

SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

"Ouch," Remy winced as Sabertooth was thrown through several walls. "Sabes is definitely gonna feel that tomorrow."

"Hey, where did the tiger go?" Piotr looked around. He went over to a wall and easily picked it up. "Come here tiger! Come on out!"

"Uh oh," Remy noticed the ceiling starting to buckle as Piotr dropped the wall. "Piotr! Stop!"

"Yoo hoo! Where are you?" Piotr went over to another wall and tore it open like tissue paper. "Here tiger, tiger, tiger!

"Piotr stop wrecking the walls!" Remy shouted as more cracks appeared in the ceiling. "You're gonna cause the room to bury us!"

"Come back tiger! I want to be your friend!" Piotr ignored him and continued to shift walls as lasers and medicine balls zipped about him.

"Pyro!" Remy shouted. "We gotta stop Piotr before he causes the whole base to collapse on us! Fire up your lighter and take him down!"

"But fire is not supposed to be used that way!" Pyro yelled back. "Someone could get hurt!"

"**We** are gonna get hurt if we get buried under ten tons of rubble!" Remy shouted. "Now do it!"

"Okay," Pyro sighed and flipped open his lighter. "Sorry mate, but it's gotta be done." He shot a burst of flame at Piotr.

"Huh?" Piotr blinked as he was engulfed in flames. "Ooo, pretty." He began skipping around the flames. "Look, I am a fire walker!"

"Right," Remy groaned and face palmed his head. "Piotr's armor also makes him fireproof."

"Now what?" Pyro asked withdrawing the flames.

"I don't know," Remy ducked another laser blast as Piotr forgot about the flames and returned to dismantling the walls. "There's gotta be something we can...aha!" He reached into his trench coat and pulled out a fist-size cylinder. "Pyro, see this?"

"Yeah," Pyro nodded.

"Great. Fry it!" Remy tossed the cylinder at Piotr.

"Right!" Pyro let loose a small fireball.

POOF!

"Huh?" Piotr gasped as the cylinder burst in his face releasing a colored gas. "What is this? Smells nice. Kind of like...oooh," Piotr blinked right before he collapsed.

"Finally," Remy tossed a charged card at the switch controlling the lasers. It blew up causing the lasers to stop firing. "At least there is one thing Piotr is vulnerable to."

"What was that stuff?" Pyro asked as a pair of spent medicine balls rolled by.

"Knockout gas. Highly concentrated," Remy said. "Though it decomposes a bit when exposed to fire. That's why I had you burn it instead of charging the casing myself. If Piotr had held his breath the gas would have knocked us out instead."

"Why didn't he hold his breath?" Pyro asked. "Doesn't he know better than to breathe in a strange and unknown gas?"

"Usually, yeah," Remy admitted. "But he's under the influence of **your** personality. And you aren't usually so careful."

"Oh. Okay," Pyro walked over to Piotr. He had reverted back to his non-armored form. "I guess that's one good thing to come out from all this."

"Yeah," Remy gazed around looking at the destroyed Control Room. "Too bad it was the **only** good thing."

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Pyro asked slipping a helmet onto his head.

"Sure enough," Remy said placing the other helmet on Piotr. He and Pyro had managed to drag Piotr back to the lab and laid him on the floor. Magneto was still crumpled up in a heap unconscious. "Besides, we don't really have a choice."

"Okay," Pyro looked uneasy but resigned. "Let's get it over with."

"Alright, everything seems to be okay," Remy checked the machine one last time and pressed the button. "Here we go!"

KKKZZZZZZRRRRRRAAACCCTTTTTT!

POP!

"Pyro? Piotr?" Remy went and removed the helmets. "Pyro, are you alright?"

"Oooh, what a ride," Pyro blinked dazedly.

"Pyro. Tell me something." Remy looked at him anxiously. "Do you like fire?"

"Huh?" Pyro looked at him funny. "Of course I like fire. Fire is everything! Fire is life!"

"Hooray! We did it!" Remy cheered. "You're back to normal! Or whatever passes for it."

"Ohhh, what happened?" Piotr moaned groggily and tried to sit up. "Where am I?"

"Hey there, _homme_," Remy smiled standing over him. "Bet you don't feel like playing handball now?"

"Huh? Handball?" Piotr repeated and rubbed his head. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember anything?" Remy asked.

"I remember Magneto securing Pyro and I to the poles," Piotr said slowly. "Then he pressed a button, I saw a bright light go off in my head, and then I am here. Speaking of which, why am I on the floor?"

"And what happened to me?" Pyro asked clutching his head. "Am I still here? Did Mags manage to lobotomize me? Do I still have a brain? Am I still me?"

"Yes, you're still you," Remy laughed with relief. "Though Mags might not be too happy when he wakes up. By the way, if he asks what happened the story is that his machine worked temporarily before it overloaded and blew up returning both of you to normal."

"Blow up?" Piotr blinked. "The machine did not blow up."

Remy then casually charged part of the machine and quickly moved away.

KA-BOOOOOOM!

"You were saying?" Remy gave him a look.

"Okay," Piotr decided to drop the issue and managed to get to his feet. "But what really happened? And where is Sabertooth?"

"Oh, Sabes is waiting for me to have a little chat with him," Remy gave a grin that firmly announced his intensions to blackmail Sabertooth to keep him from telling Magneto the truth. "As for what **really** happened, I'll tell you while we clean up all the wreckage and the huge mess you managed to create."

"Wreckage? Oh boy!" Pyro chirped and ran off. "I get to burn everything we find that can't be saved! And everything we can't find that can!"

"What? Oh no you do not!" Piotr shouted chasing after him. "Come back here!"

Remy smiled and shook his head at the sight. "Nice to have everything back to normal. I never could have gotten used to those two acting the way they did."

"WOOHOOOOOO! LOOK AT THESE!" Pyro was heard shouting in the distance. "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW WELL THESE BABIES WILL BURN!"

"PYRO STOP SETTING THOSE BALLS ON FIRE!" Piotr yelled. "YOU'RE CAUSING THE REMAINS OF THE WALLS TO MELT! AND THE FLOOR! AND ARE THOSE LASERS...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"BURN BABY BURN!" Pyro cackled insanely.

"On the other hand," Remy sighed. "Having a slightly less fire-obsessed Pyro around wouldn't necessarily have been the **worse** thing in the world."

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evoluton.**


End file.
